Tuesday, January 31, 2006

"A sound grew; the whine of engines echoed up from the throat of the cave. All at once the three light-cycles shot from it like torpedoes, once more in tight formation, their riders bent low over the handlebars."

--pg. 94

Yeah! That's more like it. Sock it to me, Tron: A Novel!

It's the Birthing Process, you dig? Especially if you're giving birth to triplets. Or even more especially if you're giving birth to motorcycles made of pure light.

PROUD FATHER (Holding Baby Light-Cycle up to the light)
He's perfect. What shall we call him?

I don't know. Let's call him Charles. And oh by the way, I've been meaning to tell you... I had an affair with a light-cycle.

Charlene! How could you?

I don't know. It was just one of those things.

No, I mean how is it even physically possible?

CUT TO: diagrams and schematics.

What Happens Next? The Fake Father runs off down the road, hoboing from train to train up to Eugene, Oregon where he goes granola: grows his hair, goes barefoot, eats his weight in leafy greens daily like a lowland gorilla. Two years after his ex Charlene gave birth to that Light-Cycle The Fake Father (whose name is Yusef, by the way-- Yusef Jackson) finds love again: a beautiful strawberry blonde named Jasmine who wears her hair tied in a Renaissance Knot-- The Mother Charlene takes her baby light-cycle and vows to raise it right, with or without the Light-Cycle father, that digital lothario-- The Baby Light-Cycle Grows Into A Teenage Light-Cycle Who Excels At Sports (Especially Track) Charlene gets a good job dealing BlackJack at the local Casino and marries her pit-boss Jaron, a violent red-faced man who pounds fist-sized holes in the fake wood lining the walls of their trailer-- The Teenage Light-Cycle feels different from his peers, alienated from the other kids at school... The Teenage Light-Cycle starts spending more and more time hanging out in The Parking Lot next to Mr. Johansen The Chemistry Teacher's Motorcycle... The Teenage Light-Cycle starts to get strange tingly feelings down there and eight months later Charles The Teenage Light-Cycle takes Mr. Johansen's Motorcycle (a cute little number named Melinda) to the prom and nine months after that, Charles The Teenage Light-Cycle is a father of triplets, three tiny light-cycles, all with his eyes.


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